Graphic Novelty²

Guest Post by Kalie Zamierowski of Just Dread-full

I will be the first to admit: there are a lot of great Chrises in Hollywood right now – a lot of talented, attractive, funny men who warrant our attention. If you’ve been following the series so far, you’ve read two arguments: one explaining why Chris Pratt is the best Chris in the business, and one explaining why Chris Evans is. Well, I have no particular vendetta against Chris Pratt or Chris Evans or (the yet-to-come) Chris Pine – all of whom are brilliant, funny, incredibly good-looking men. Indeed, I might even assert that Chris Pratt or Evans or Pine were the best Chris in Hollywood, if….if….if Chris Hemsworth didn’t exist! But let’s face it, Chris Hemsworth does exist. Oh, he exists, and his wit, charm, and brazen sex appeal make him, undoubtedly, the best Chris. Let’s delve into, with a little more specificity, why Chris Hemsworth is the best Chris there is.

We’ll get the first, obvious element of this argument over with: his looks. I think it goes without saying that Chris Hemsworth is downright hot. After all, he has a devilishly handsome face, great abs, and arm muscles that boast the diameter of a small child’s head. Nevertheless, I don’t want to judge him solely on his good looks; that would be a little bit myopic. So let’s not talk only about how handsome he is, but how well he pulls off looks that nobody else could. I want you to take a look at Chris Hemsworth in his Thor costume (picture provided below). Now I want you to picture an every-day, non-famous person in that costume: it could be an uncle, a sister, a self. The result is probably at least minimally laughable, and likely hilarious. Okay, now let’s take this a step further: I mean, of course non-movie stars would have trouble pulling off that look. So I want you to picture Chris Pratt or Chris Evans or Chris Pine in that Thor costume, long hair and hammer included. Are you done? Do they look funny, or at least a little awkward? Yeah, that’s what I’ve thought. Thor’s costume looks ridiculous on pretty much anyone except Chris Hemsworth, who’s so handsome he can even make it look good.

Which leads to another, I think, salient point: one day, someone walked up to Chris Hemsworth and said, “Hey, you look like you’d make a handsome god. Would you like to play Thor, God of Thunder?” Yes, someone actually asked him to play the role of a god. I mean, Chris Pratt’s character, Star Lord, is half god, and Chris Evans is just the happenstance byproduct of some underground science experiment, but someone deemed Chris Hemsworth the man most appropriate in the world to play a 100%, full-fledged god – Thor, the God of Thunder. I think that’s a significant point to ponder. I mean, let’s get honest with ourselves here for a minute: how many of us have been asked to play gods? Michael was once asked to play the crucified Christ and hang off the cross wearing a loin cloth, but the God of Thunder – that role is reserved for a select individual, the one, the only, Chris Hemsworth.

Now, physical attractiveness, the ability to embody a god, and the penchant to look good in costumes that would make others look ridiculous are all laudable qualities. But if Chris Hemsworth were just a big oaf with no personality, he would lose points in my estimation. However, such is certainly not the case. Chris Hemsworth is not just witty, he’s downright hysterical. Have you seen YouTube clips of him ad-libbing jokes while knocking down little plastic toys? They’re phenomenal.

In the latest Thor: Ragnarök, wanted to have Thor say, “I know him! He’s a friend from work!” about him and the Hulk, when a young child, visiting the set with the Make-A-Wish Foundation, suggested he say that. And most importantly, he was downright hilarious in Ghostbusters, playing the lovable but less-than-intelligent Kevin, who has a dog named My Cat (well, really, Mike Hat, but it sounds like My Cat). And Chris Hemsworth ad-libbed a lot of those lines – which is to say, he has a vibrant, dangerous wit. I mean, Chris Pratt is funny and all – but he’s kind of like your goofy cousin who says awkward things at the dinner table. Chris Hemsworth has a real penchant for comedy.

Now, there are other things I could say about Chris Hemsworth: He has a gorgeous Australian accent, but he emulates a variety of other accents well in different films. And, in a recent poll of high school students conducted by Michael that assessed the popularity of all four Chrises, Chris Hemsworth won by a landslide. But I’d like to highlight not just his sexy voice or his popularity – elements of character that are, admittedly, a bit shallow – but his intelligence. See above paragraph: I think it’s an indisputable fact, that quick-witted, funny individuals are smart. We know based on his comedic timing, his ability to make us laugh, that Chris Hemsworth is an intelligent person. So: brains, charm, personality, good looks, huge-muscles, a God-like appearance: what else could you want in any human being, let alone any Hollywood Chris?

As stated previously, Hollywood currently boasts a number of great actors, and especially great Chrises. But in terms of all out exceptionality, none of them hold a candle to Chris Hemsworth, who is, indisputably, the best Chris in the business right now. Sorry Christopher Walkin – I’ve always loved you… but not in quite the same way. Chris Hemsworth is absolutely, undeniably, inarguably and indelibly, the best Chris.

The Chris fun continues!  Check out the other compelling arguments in this series:

Michael’s post: Chris Pratt

Kathleen’s post: Chris Evans

Nancy’s post: Chris Pine